The other day when I was at a train station all by myself, 3 random guys came up to me and ask if I like to party and do “bad stuff with guys.” I said no and walked away. I got stalked until I got off at my stop. I was going to the city and the city has a lot of people, so I figured that it’s safe for me to get off here to get rid of these assholes.

I told my friend about it, and she asked what was I wearing. I didn’t answer her question, but instead I asked her, what does it have anything to do with the situation I was in? She said something-something, then asked me what was I wearing once again. I told her, shorts and tank top. She immediately said “Oh that’s your fault then, you were asking for it.” I got so angry and furious at her that I just left the conversation. 

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Didn’t realize how lonely I am, until I watched the people that I’ve betrayed and abandoned go on with their lives and live happily without me. While I lock myself in misery and emptiness, they do not look for me nor even care about me. I stayed up every night wishing I should’ve never betrayed and abandoned them. If only I wasn’t so full of hatred flowing through my veins, they’d still be here. I wish everything is back like how it was. I want to be happy with them, they bring me happiness. I want them back, but I know for a fact that they wouldn’t want me. What I did was very unforgivable and very dishonest of me, so I understand why they wouldn’t welcome me. Now I have nobody, I belong to no one. Nobody wants me.

I’m sorry to the people I once loved, it’s not your fault.

I lost everything because of you. Now you leave me with an broken heart.

Why do you keep appearing in my dreams? I don’t want to see you in my dreams. Every time I dream about you, it only makes me miss you and I don’t want that. I don’t want you anymore. The “you” now is not the same person in my dreams..

Guys like you makes me shut down and makes me want to start building my indestructible wall again. Guys like you are the reason why I have fucking trust issues. I gave you my time, my care, and my feelings, but at the end, you treat me like I’m a worthless piece of shit. You lead me on and used me for sex. I want to say a whole bunch of mean things to you, but you’re not of worth my energy, time, & efforts anymore. I know you’re not gonna miss me all summer, but when school starts, don’t pretend nothing happen and ask for a damn hug. I don’t wanna touch your dirty ass man whore skin.. ya fucking man whore. Go fuck that troll-lookin’ freshman all you want. Get AIDS bitch. Let me guess, when you tryna get that ugly freshman, you say the same shit to get me right? Imma bet on that for $50. You say you take promises seriously, but look at you now. The bigger your dick is, the more of an asshole you are.

The sad part is, I thought you were different. You always deny what you’re really are. This just proves you’re no different than any other assholes out there.

You used to look at me as if I put the stars in the night sky. You used to treat me like I’m a precious gem. Your smile when you look at me makes me happy. When I’m with you, I forgot all of my loneliness and worries.

But now you don’t even look at me anymore. I now cry and cry under the stars of a night sky. You treat me like any other girl, I no longer feel so special to you. You don’t smile when you look at me anymore. You make feel pathetic. I can feel all of the loneliness, worries, and sadness are slowly making me insane..

I can’t stop thinking how happy you looked when you were walking beside her. I was jealous, I’ve always been jealous..

You watched me cry and saw how broken I was after I had broken up with him for you. Your sweet words driven to sacrifice my happiness and my relationship, but look what I get at the end: nothing. It didn’t make me feel any happier, it makes me even more sad and empty. I used to spent my nights thinking what we should do this weekend, to an endless crying. I feel so pathetic for falling in love with you. Instead of saving me, you watch me scream in pain as I’m getting stab by a thousand knives. Even though you’re the one who controlled those knives, I’m still here, clinging on to your leg, begging you to stay and love me as much as I love you.

The song that I slow danced with you came on the radio and I’m in so much tears right now…

Never in my life I have been betrayed, feel so pathetic, and feel so empty. Instead of getting better, I’ve gotten worse. The endless crying is tiring me out. I tried to be happy, but there’s always something or someone that take my happiness away. It’s impossible for me to be happy anymore..

I’d rather be alone from now on. I don’t care about a lot of things anymore. I’m done with everyone.

im just letting my world fall apart like i dont even care anymore

at least i still have my loving family 

I did this to myself. I get what I deserve.. but it’s better than hurting the person you love.